I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
