Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
