drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
