There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
