im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am naked and annoyed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
