I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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