My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
