I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
