he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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