can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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