Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
