Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
