dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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