So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
