i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
