Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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