well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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