Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
