i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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