I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
