She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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