Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
