If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
