Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
