Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
