Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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