I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
is wine microwaveable?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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