i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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