Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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