Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
