whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
