TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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