i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
