wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
