We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
