3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
