shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
