I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
