my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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