I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
