Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
