So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
