AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
