ya dads aren't the best wingmen
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
