im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
