dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
