I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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