i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
