drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
