were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
